LEWIS: “I left home at 17 and moved to St. Louis to be with my dad. When we lived in Sedalia, he was working for the Missouri Pacific Railroad on coal trains, but he stopped being able to find jobs. Steamliners were phasing coal out, making the role irrelevant. Plus, there was a lot of prejudice in small towns in that era. So he left my mom, brothers, and me and went to St. Louis to find work. He’d come home when he could, but my parents had to live separately just to provide for our family.
I finished high school at Sumner and went on to get a degree at Harris Teachers College. Then I got my master’s at Washington University. My whole life, I was pretty used to doing things on my own and taking care of myself. Around the time I met Nita, I got injured at work. The idea of not being able to function by myself was hard. I’d never been sick in my life until I stood on a chair to put books on a shelf and leaned back. Instead of stopping myself and standing upright, my body just kept going ’til I hit the floor. I tore my rotator cuffs on both shoulders and could hardly drive my car. So, Nita volunteered to assist me. Since she worked nights, she would take me to my appointments during the day. That really showed me what kind of person she was.”
NITA: “He thought he was Superman! We met each other online. There was this organization for people who were single, or at least supposed to be, where you signed up to call and talk to someone on the phone. We talked for about a month or two and then decided to meet at a restaurant. He was a teacher and I worked for the St. Louis City jails. I still had two of my daughters at home, so I wasn’t bringing just anyone into my house. We had both been married prior, too, so it was one of those situations where you had to evaluate someone thoroughly before you got involved.
Because I was working nights, I could easily talk on the phone, and he helped me stay awake, calling on and off throughout my shift. I had a supervisory position but needed more schooling to get a promotion. He encouraged me by saying, ‘If you go back, I’ll help you.’ So, I enrolled in school. He’d even help me with my homework. When I graduated, I became a captain and then ran my own department. By the time I retired, I was the manager training at both the Workhouse and the St. Louis City Justice Center.”
“Because we’d both been married before, we didn’t make a big fuss about our wedding. It was inexpensive but nice. We planned everything within a month. It was in our friend’s backyard. I made the flowers and did the decorations. My best friend cooked all the food. Since he’s a Kappa Alpha Psi, he had his own tux. I borrowed my girlfriend’s wedding dress and the veil came from Goodwill. My son gave me away and his cousin served as our minister.
Throughout our marriage, I’ve usually been the one who surprises him. I gave him a birthday party one year and he had no idea, even though I cooked all the food in front of his nose. I told him I was doing it for the church. I even had his brothers come to St. Louis from out of town. He was resting in his room watching TV when I yelled, ‘Lewis! Lewis, the basement is flooding!’ When he came downstairs, he saw the basement full of people.
But he did surprise me once. He told me he had some friends in from out of town and we had to stop by their hotel to say hi. I was like, ‘I don’t want to visit anyone. I want to go out!’ But he told me it would just take a minute. I was getting perturbed and told him I’d wait in the car. I thought, ‘If I stay in the car, maybe he won’t take that long.’ He was like, ‘No, c’mon. Let’s go.’ So I followed him, trying not to be upset, and he walked right up to the hotel room door. I was waiting for him to knock when, all of a sudden, he pulled out a keycard. When he opened the door, rose petals were trailing from the door to the bed. He had my favorite candy, flowers, fruit, and a necklace. And it was just because.”
📷| Colleen O'Connell Smyth
NITA: “When we first got together, I thought he was a lot younger than he was. He could outdance me any day. And when we’d go on a walk, he’d leave me behind. He was so physically fit. But we’re 16 years apart, so as we’re getting older, I’m doing more for us now. At the same time, since he’s slowed down, we work hand-in-hand. At the beginning of our marriage, he made most of the decisions and I felt like a little girl. Now, I feel more of a partnership.”
LEWIS: “We tend to share in the responsibilities of everything. We cook for each other. I wash dishes. There’s no particular task she has to do that I demand. We discuss things that have to be done, but she leads more discussions now than I do. Years ago, it was me, but we switched roles. For example, traveling to Florida. I’ll say, ‘I don’t know if we should go because of the weather.’ And she’ll be like, ‘Well, I’ve already talked to so-and-so and figured out the details.’ She’s on top of it all. Still, I watch the news a lot and think, ‘My God. Florida is going to sink!’”
📷| Colleen O'Connell Smyth
LEWIS: “We both owned properties before we got married and now she has to assume more of the responsibilities in maintaining them. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think she could. Not just the financial portion, but the physical portion. I appreciate her more than ever before and I like the way she handles things. I thought I could live forever, but I’m not the same person I used to be. My knees and shoulders aren’t what they used to be. Neither is my head. I had COVID and it set me back. I don’t have the same cognitive ability either. Every now and then there’s a fuzzy feeling in my brain. It doesn’t stay with me always. But it comes and goes.
At this point, the most important thing to me is for her to totally understand our economic circumstances. When I go, everything will fall upon her to handle. I’ve tried hard to set up a situation where she’ll be taken care of.”
NITA: “I’ve learned a lot from him in our marriage, even though I knew about a lot from my father and boyfriends and by learning stuff on my own. Like, I knew how to do an oil change, change a battery, or change a cable. But he’s poured out a lot of knowledge to me, especially about houses. So I listen, even though he doesn’t think I do. I’m still going to do stuff in my way. But he thanks me a lot and gives me more compliments than he did the first seven years of our marriage.”
LEWIS: “See those teddy bears? I’ve brought little stuff like that for her over the years to show my appreciation for her. I’ve told her before, ‘I might not say I love you, but I’ll show you.’ For her though, words mean a lot. So, I’m working on it.”
📷| Colleen O'Connell Smyth